Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
