He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
