and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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