if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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