is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
