i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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