I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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