Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
