remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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