I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
