So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
