I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
