I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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