Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
