No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
