You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
