omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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