Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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