oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
