can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
