I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
