you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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