i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My ass is underappreciated
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
