that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
