so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
