o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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