do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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