Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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