kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
