Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
