my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
