what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
