Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
