I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I did not marry a roomba.
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