I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
