How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
