duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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