"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
