I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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