well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
