i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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