somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
