If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
