this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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