a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
