Soap is not a condiment
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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