This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this will be a night to untag.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
