So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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