Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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