Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
