i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
