I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i have two assholes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
