I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
