I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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